How to Create a Mom Routine that Brings Joy

A strong routine can save you so much stress as a mom. Because think about it–a routine is simply a way of organizing yourself and your day. It provides order to chaos–and every mom needs that.

Why routines can make “mom life” easier

A well thought out routine will reduce decision fatigue. A mish-mashey routine that is poorly thought out will make your brain feel like mush.

There is an easier way.

Through the use of repetition and routine, you can free up brainpower for what truly matters.

Keep in mind that your routine is also the framework that supports all of the habits you want to make or break. Want to workout every day? Then, work it into the family routine.

For a long time, I wanted to be a person that works out daily. But it wasn’t until I really analyzed my routine and determined that a morning workout was best (and perhaps, only option) that my exercise habit actually started to form.

Building an ideal mom routine

So many times we focus on a habit we want to implement or a project we want to complete without considering the constellation of other moving parts in our life. But as a mom, it’s a necessity to understand how everything will fit together.

So let’s take a closer look at your routine and why this matters:

Morning routines set the tone for your day
Evening routines improve sleep quality and next-day preparation
Work routines boost productivity and focus
Self-care routines protect your mental and physical health

Your routine can save you or cause you suffering. It can shield you from stress or be the source of your stress. This is especially true if you have not defined a clear and consistent routine that you want to be following for your life.

Please note I am very carefully choosing to use the word “routine” here. A routine is different than a schedule or a specific habit. Because a routine not only implies all of that but also includes a really important component to it as well… your rhythm.

Think of your “mom routine” as the rhythm for your day (and life)

A routine is both rhythmic and automatic. It has a beat. And after a while, you don’t think anymore, you just follow that beat.

This is true even if you haven’t consciously planned out your daily routine. If you’re always “making it up as you go”, your daily routine may have kind of a chaotic and unpredictable vibe.

What rhythm does your day-to-day mom routine have? What’s the musicality of your day feel like to you? Like if you had to pick a song to describe your typical day, what song would you choose?

Next, think about what song depicts your ideal day… and consider the differences between the two.

Pick a rhythm that fits your personality as a mom

The more you settle into a routine, the deeper the grooves that form and the more and more automatic it becomes for you; this means you no longer have to think about getting from Point A to B, but your day just flows.

Or, it feels really really clunky. A day that feels clunky from start to finish is a sign that your routine is no longer serving you.

If your average day has a fast-paced rhythm to it and you’re wanting a calmer vibe , then what needs to change in your routine to make that happen?

Do you need to build in more buffer time from each task (this is so helpful for little ones!)?
Do you need to slow down the pace of your day and remove clutter from your schedule?
Maybe your routine needs more structure. More clarity and rigidity. Or maybe you need to build in the opposite… you need some a sliver of time to “just be” and should have an unscheduled block in your daily routine.

In essence, what needs to change with your daily mom routine so that you feel it safeguards you from stress rather than being a source of stress?

Your day-to-day routine is a reflection of your values as a mom

Your routine is not just a reflection of what you are spending your time on but how you are spending that time as well.

You may be choosing to spend an hour a day on “rest and relaxation”, but how you are going about that can look wildly different from person to person.

Personally, I do not find an hour spent watching Netflix shows to be particularly relaxing (although a dedicated family movie night can be so much fun!). It is pleasant at the moment (kind of) but then that’s it.

How much time (or how little) time goes to time spent fostering friendships to flossing your teeth every day–these are all actions that are expressing your values.

What does your routine say about you as a mom?

From taking time to shower to getting enough sleep, your daily routine is not only a reflection of your priorities but how you choose to go about pursuing those priorities.

The routine is the path forward. It’s the process. It’s how you’ve decided to live out your goals, your priorities. Your values and your vibe.

If you put yourself on the back burner, consistently, then you’re saying you’re not a priority to yourself. It’s hard to consider these truths, but there is so much growth to be found and had in honesty.

Your routine is the summary of your daily actions. And your actions speak volumes. What do they say about you and what you’re valuing?

Don’t forget the bigger picture of your family life

Ok, so I have a lot of values… And a clean and orderly home is one of them. But I decided fairly early on in my motherhood journey that I was not going to achieve the goal of having a clean and orderly home at the expense of my peace and joy de vivre.

Some values trump others.

So although I love a clean house, I have been forced to accept (and even embrace!) a messy house for the sake of living in the moment and celebrating the moment. I do not want to miss the forest for the trees.

Re-work your routine if it’s not working for you

Here’s the exciting part about your daily routine: it can change overnight if you need it to! So many of us dream about big life changes, milestones, achievements, etc. And these things can be great to strive for but they’re not often an overnight process. They’re months in the making.

But your routine can and should change on a dime if it’s no longer serving you.

Think of your mom routine as the process from Point A to Point B

I love reflecting on my routine because my daily routine is the vehicle that will get me there–to all those goals and exciting plans and places I have for my life. It’s the process. And one of the best ways to achieve your goals in life is to fall in love with the process, or the journey, of getting there.

If you have a goal of losing weight but no routine put into place to make that happen, then you will likely fail. It’s the people that really look at the process of losing weight–the steps, the actions, the habits that need to form–that are so much better posed to actually accomplish what they set out to do.

They figure out how to go about this goal of losing weight with an approach that is enjoyable for them. If you can translate that same idea across all areas of motherhood and family life and your personal life into your routine… you’re golden!

So this is my challenge for you. If you have something in your life that is very important to you to achieve or change, then consider what routine you’ll need to get you there.

Write out your routine

Your day-to-day mom routine is probably a lot like your daily caloric intake. You probably have no idea what’s really going on until you write everything down and start tracking (on paper, not in your head!) how your days are flowing.

For example, I encourage you to time how long your showers are taking each morning. I know this can sound a bit over the top, but this is key to getting a better grasp of where each minute in your day is going.

I’ve even pulled out the stopwatch feature on my iPhone to track how long it takes me to get both of our girls and myself out of the house of the day.

Brainstorm small changes with big wins

Maybe you need to spend a little bit more time on self-care rather than cleaning. Or less screen time and more reading. Or less reading and more podcasting. Just throwing ideas out there that have been relevant for me:

For example, I often forget my headphones and that I can have a headphone in one ear while cleaning if I want to listen to an audiobook or sermon. It’s a great way to multi-task since cleaning requires very little brainpower and I can focus my mind elsewhere. This one little hack can help me feel like I’m getting a little more oomph out of my day.

And by contrast, I’ve found activities that I can stop doing that give me so much time back. That includes doom-scrolling on social media, making overly complicated dinners and meals, and being selective with who I spend my time with when it comes to our social calendar.

Then there’s the bigger, more tenuous changes. Like work-life balance. Or, location of where you live. And so forth. For example, my husband and I are looking at moving back to the city in order to better accommodate all of the activities and resources available to our children there vs. where we currently live (and spending less time in the car as a result).

Build joy and excitement into your daily mom routine

If you can make your ideal daily mom routine a joy to follow, then you can be so much more consistent about sticking to it. And this will benefit everyone around you (ie, your family and friends, but especially your little ones).

Not only is your routine your process for how you get things done but it’s also a form of regulation.

Want less stress? Then figure out how to dial back the daily routine expectations. Want more excitement? Then figure out how to schedule some more events and new and novel adventures into the family calendar.

Your routine can help you regulate your emotions. And sometimes this looks like ditching the plans that were on the calendar for the day, and having a stay-at-home-and-eat-soup-kind-of-day if that’s what the doctor ordered.

If we press ourselves too hard to stick to the script it can backfire. So plan on the plan until you know you need to ditch the plan (for example, getting sick and needing rest).

A peak into my mom routine

As a mom, I embrace the “slow motherhood” movement and strive for a somewhat strange combination of being highly organized, self-aware, and simultaneously laid-back:

I routinely take twice as long to get to and from places as most moms (but I also feel that I’m more relaxed than most).
I will literally take twice as long to pack up my little ones from the library as most moms–or sometimes we seemingly never leave and “camp out” at the library for hours (because I never leave the house without full meals and snacks packed) if that’s what we’re all feeling.
Or sometimes, I forgo the lunch we packed and we walk to the nearby grocery store to sit and relax at their deli and window shop.

I like the freedom and free-spirited feel of being able to go with the flow of what sounds fun and being pretty well-prepared at the same time. I like to have options.

But that’s just what works for me! Some of my closest mom friends are the opposite. When it’s 12:30, it’s 12:30, and they’re booking it home for lunch and naps. They seem to run a routine with the precision and predictability of a bullet train.

There is no right way. And no wrong way. Not at least according to others. Only you can be the judge for your own routine.

If you want to review my current, full motherhood routine, I share it all here. Every detail!

I hope this give you a good start and something to think about.

Share your thoughts down below!