I can still remember having our first overnight guests (relatives from out of town) stay with us, and my Aunt referring to our farmhouse as “shabby chic.”
It was not meant to be insulting–I knew that right away–but it did put a little ding in my armor.
Because, her assessment was spot on. Our 100 year-old farmhouse was shabby chic. Honestly, it was more shabby than anything… she was giving me a compliment by adding “chic” at the end of her sentence.
The reality of our home
Unlike so many of the beautiful Victorian farmhouses, our farmhouse was built by a logger. It’s a small, simple, one-level home. And it’s not that well-built.
But, it’s a home. And it’s still standing.
If I’m not careful, I can find myself falling for the mind trap that the homesteading and homemaking lifestyle I adore is about playing the part of having the perfect farmhouse, the perfect barn or garden, or the perfect loaf of bread.
But it’s not. And our house is not what makes it a home–it’s the people that live in it that make it a home.
Remember what your home is for
A home is about more than having four perfect walls that are all perfectly painted and perfectly decorated.
While there’s nothing wrong with adorning our homes, keeping them neat and tidy, and taking care of what we have, it’s another thing entirely to torture ourselves with endless “to-dos” and tasks that steal the magic of the moment.
At the end of the day, a home is a place for you and your family to rest and reflect. It’s a place of sanctuary and a shelter.
And while there may be cosmetic improvements and repairs waiting to be done, we shouldn’t find ourselves so stressed out with making those enhancements that we miss that point of having a home in the first place.
Whoever said “home is where the heart is” was onto something.
Accepting our home “as is” is easy once we know how to accept ourselves
Learning to love your home can really be a shared journey of learning to love and accept yourself exactly as you are right now.
How many of us have waited to feel good about ourselves until we feel like we’ve achieved or accomplished enough?
Whether it’s waiting to feel good about ourselves until we lose weight, get married, or buy a home (or fill in the blank), so many of us create terms and conditions for when we will choose to accept ourselves. Or, for when we will embrace the season of life that we are in.
But placing contingencies on when we will be good enough, or when our homes will be good enough, this can rob us from appreciating what we have right now.
Yes, my floors and counters are in bad shape, but there’s no reason to let that stop me from enjoying everything else I love about our house.
Speaking of, I thought it would be helpful to practice this and take a moment right now to share a few of the qualities about our home that I love.
What I love
I love the land that our house sits on and all the surrounding trees
I love that we have a wraparound deck
I love the way the our family room’s windows give me a view of our beautiful tall trees and foliage around our property (I feel like I’m living in magical treehouse when I’m in our family room!)
I love the fact that we have hardwood floors in most of our house (even IF they’re worn)
I love that our home isn’t cookie cutter
I love our family room that my husband and I painstakingly painted, re-caulked, re-carpeted, and leveled (it used to have a six inch drop over the span of ten feet)
I love the way the light filters into the nursery and that my daughter’s room has three windows with screens to let in the fresh air whilst keeping it bug-free
I love that we have a bathroom “en suite” connected our master bedroom
If you haven’t taken a moment to really ponder all the positives of your home in a while, I encourage you to try this exercise.
It’s a really helpful re-frame.
Getting in the habit of gratitude
Hopefully my list of “loves” above helps give you some prompts or ideas for things about your house that you actually like or love, too.
And if you need a little boost jogging the ol’ memory of what to be grateful for, then try asking your friends and family what they like about your house.
While my husband and I can’t help but notice the wear and water-damaged sections of our wood floors. But to our family and friends, they often just notice the fact that we have real hardwood floors.
Funny how sometimes it takes someone else pointing out what you have for you to really pause and appreciate it.
Choose to love your home today, not tomorrow
Just like our lives, our home will always be a work-in-progress. Waiting until you have your dream kitchen remodel done to love your home, may mean that you miss the joy that can be found in what you have right now.
And even if you had all the repairs and remodeling done, you might find that the goal post moves, yet again.
Sometimes, people save up for ten years to do a kitchen remodel only to have their kitchen be completely out-of-date ten years later.
I can still remember as a kid when everyone wanted granite countertops and beige walls and yellow, oak cabinetry.
The very fact that home decor and design trends are constantly changing means that no home is safe from falling out of fashion.
This is why learning to love our home in its current state is a helpful habit to have. Even if you plan to eventually remodel, don’t wait to embrace your home exactly as it is now while you’re in the period of waiting.
Know the difference between home adoration vs. home idolization
The difference between home adoration and home idolization is a fine line, but I like to think about it this way:
Adoring my home is about taking care of it and treasuring it. I might paint the walls, scrub the floors, and cut some fresh flowers.
Idolizing my home would mean that I’m worshiping or seeking undue gratification from it. It’s a difference of purpose and intention:
Home adoration is about appreciating our home blessings. Just like brushing our hair in the morning and brushing our teeth–we’re taking good care of what we have.
Home idolization means we’re desiring more from our homes than our homes can provide. My family and I are what make our home–our house doesn’t make our family.
My home is a sanctuary and a shelter, but it does not define my identity as a human being.
In fact, it’s the other way around; I provide my house with meaning not vice versa.
Imperfectly perfect
Many of the women and moms I know love the “rustic” farmhouse life and yet, we exhaust ourselves by trying to modernize and elevate our homes into something that requires extensive renovation in order to achieve just the “right” amount of rustic.
It’s kind of funny when you think about it.
But if you’re blessed enough to have a home to call your own–whether your renting, owning, bought a fixer upper, or even if you bought a “turn-key”–you know that list of house tasks and to-dos can seem never-ending.
There will ALWAYS be something that could be better or something that is missing. But, part of the journey is learning to see what you have right now.
Our home has a lot of imperfections, but I love it nonetheless. And I see it as my responsibility to never forget what we love about our home–despite its drawbacks.
The imperfections of our home
For those of you that might be curious about our home’s many imperfections, I thought I’d share just a few:
- Our ceilings and doorways are short (and my husband is 6′ 5″)
- Absolutely nothing is level: prior to making our foundation repairs, both our family room and master bedroom had a six inch drop when you walked a span of about ten feet. It felt like walking on a boat. Update: we made sure the foundation was stabilized overall, decreased the six inch drop to a two inch drop, and have learned to live with the rest.
- Our kitchen ceiling was so slanted, and rotted it out in places, that the previous owners decided to just hang classroom ceiling tiles over the actual ceiling to conceal the problems. Update: after two years, we were finally able to rip out the ceiling, replace the rotted out joists, and hang new drywall.
- The hardwood floors are visibility worn, have water damage in places, dents, and even burn marks.
- There are parts of our home that have two roofs–because instead of having to tear something down when the logger wanted to expand, he chose to just build on top of it.
- Our kitchen counters are white tile from the 1980s that stay scuffed no matter what you do. The grout is brown and chipped and discolored (and it catches food crumbs like you wouldn’t believe).
- Our kitchen cabinets have a plastic coating that’s warped and faded from white to yellow-ish white. Both the trim and MDF cabinet boxes have started to fall apart.
- Our kitchen and dining room has an awkward layout and a weird divider wall that makes no sense (that we can’t knock down because it’s load-bearing)
- The lower half of all our siding on the barn (AND parts of our house) is rotted out and needs to be replaced.
And the list could go on, but I’ll put a pin in it here.
I just wanted to share a little bit about what our journey has been. And how we can learn to love our homes, even when it’s tempting to focus on everything that we don’t love.
But there was a time when all I dreamed of was having a home. And now that I have one, I want to appreciate it.
Imperfections and all.
